Letter from Maha Laxmi, Australia
Good morning Beloved!
I thank you so much for being in this life.
I wish to lay some concerns at your feet which in the presence of love can be seen as simply old thoughts passing away and yet in many circumstances ..... especially when I am experiencing a life seemingly alone or excluded from a loving context ..... seem so real. Like in the prison of mental torture similar to a past life death torture...
This shows up now as : fear of making the wrong decision, e.g when to come to India, Making plans for the future, “will I make it? With sensations of panic, fear of not escaping safely, insecurity in not knowing, efforting in trying to guess the right course...
Also in looking for home desiring a secure home base, dreaming of creating a sanctuary, a temple where all are welcome to rest to find peace the peace in the core of all being It shows up in the question .... (may have been with me since birth!) Where is my place? where do I belong? where now?
Since the moment I came here ARUNACHALA I felt ahh I can be here .... I can retire here...
This is so true in spirit! Is it also in the form .... that’s where all the so-called problems are .... yet just as I was about to say yes to a house offered me last year (costing the Same As the storage shed in Australia!) doctor murti gently reminded me that 1 was always welcome for a longer stay in the ashram at times other than this busy season.
And my heart sings YES because this living in a separate room just does not satisfy . I so love being in Ramanashram ....being fed in the same room where Ramana sat, resting in his living room of grace, being with the shrines, the devotees, the cows the holy hill ... all!
And feeling so home so loved all fears disappear!
And some times in moments of grace all attachments to anything other than THIS LOVING PRESENCE NOWHERE!!!
When this wonderful opportunity to travel with you came in Tirupathi I thought now express all my questions and concerns.... Yet in the joy of being in your loving presence All questions disappear!
Yesterday surprised by grace to be once more at your feet
Heart ignited in song! and words and melodies arising in me .... And yet later doubts as to what is true . . . what is to be expressed what shall I do? the old dilemma slips through and there is self doubt arrogance self judgment curses of lifetimes echoing through ....the full catastrophe! and it makes me so mad to be such a slave to these mental perceptions ....which doers not help re-inforcing the illusion of their reality... setting up a war of mind against mind....
Oh beloved help me be still Be free!
After some time the mind quietly settles... like dirtinastill lake....
And there is a ray of light
Perhaps a rememberence of RAMANA
Releasing me from the illusion ..... concepts of past separation identity... a moment a look of love in the eyes of some of your devotees the women of Andhra,of India somehow can so easily awaken the truth of being love in you in me in all I see ....
Some practical guidance Beloved!!!
Work. Their have been increasing invitation to host satsang, peace circles, sessions of mediation, reconciliation, meditation, retreats. I am very grateful for these opportunities to sing up pace on earth.
Yet some other work .... organising for peace, teaching communicating seem less supported. Or is that some fear in me?
Books? film? publication of words of wisdom? Performance? c.d. recording?
SANCTUARY in Australia? many opportunities . . . .not quite there .... often with others funds .... mind changing just before contract sign! a decade of dreaming... + lottery tickets
Guesthouse here in TIRU
Or simple be in ashram and respond to invitation . . .
WHAT IS TRUE NOW?
It is now time to meet you in Ramana's ashram LOVE comes together as ONE in truth OF BEING IN THE ONE HEART OF ALL
And I am blessed in this moment tears of gratitude like the gently falling rain!
Let me not waste any more moments of this precious existence In lamenting lost opportunities to love and be loved! Set me free once and for all!!!
May I never forget THIS
ONE HEART SONG!
Any guidance gratefully received!!!
And more than 1 can say in words THANKS FOR THEE!!!
MAHA LOVE LAXMI